matthew says

some delightful quotes that made me smile a lot.

matthew: what should i get my mom for valentines day.
me: um...hopefully nothing
matthew: i meant mothers day

me: hide the krispy kreme so that nobody feels tempted to break into the car.
matthew: get out of the car. i don't ever wanna hear those words come out of your mouth ever again.

matthew: *making fun of how annoying i am.* god baby, sometimes you are just so annoying it just feels so hopeless, you're like 'baby baby scratch my creep hand! oh no, oh no, you hurt it! baby, baby, do you know what a bebesaurus is? No Mally I do not. YES Yes you do, it's a bebe and a dinsaur. you use it all the time. Do you know what a bebe is?! No Mally, I don't. Yes you do.'

Well most of that quote probably won't make sense to you but it made me cry from laughing so hard in the middle of the mall. I'll try to explain. On my hand I have this random little callous that hurts and feels so good when he scratches it. I always make him do it and he calls it my "Creep hand" LOL. And then one day he scratched it so much that the next day it hurt so I told him it hurt. And the other thing is that I call him bebesaurus all the time and he doesn't like it very much and he was recreating a conversation we had earlier where I asked him if he knew what one was and he denied and i told him it was a mix between a bebe and a dinasaur and he claimed he didn't know and I asked him if he knew what a bebe was and he said he didn't and i told him he used it all the time and he said that was a lie and then i realized it was :(

what hurts the most

matthew is gone and i am alone. i am just m now. i know these things and i know why i have to do them. i am just hoping that one day everything will come together in a beautiful way and we will sit and stare and say "oh, my". if only we could see, if only we could see. i am lucky to have someone who never wavers the strength of our relationship. he doesn't want me to go, but he wants me to live my truth. he doesn't question our relationship, where it is, what we are, or where we are going. obviously, circumstances are not ideal, but i think it's a test, and more than anything else, i know there is a reason.

when he left, i curled up in his bed and smelled his skin beneath the sheets. i miss him.

i kept telling myself that in a few days the craziness will begin, but i was wrong. it has already started. but my god, it is a good kind of crazy. the kind of crazy that sends waves of energy pulsating through my very being and i feel so alive.

Firstly, my radioshow is getting a make over. I'm going to pack in as many interviews as I can. I want to go out with a bang. The next interview will be on the 13th of May. It will be an interview with a client and friend of mine, who overcame an abusive relationship. We will be talking about domestic violence and her story. It is very inspiring, and I hope you can all be a part of this with us.

Secondly, I am taking part in an open day for a local yoga studio to meet more peeps. thats right, i just said the word 'peeps'. I am really excited. 20 minute reading for $25. come and see me, please.

I have to be in Ireland by the 10th. I return from India on Sept 1st, and I plan on hosting two workshops in the spaces inbetween. It will be very packed but this is a gift for myself. this is what i love to do.

School starts on Monday. I am taking psych, chem, calc and english. I am looking forward to it :)

I love my baby April. We went for a run today. UPHILL. I think it's safe to say that we both almost died. She is so cute when she runs. She looks at me while she runs, so she keeps bumping into me. I am like "BABY! Look where you are going you silly baby". I was dressed so inappropriately for a warm day. I was wearing jeans, a thick shirt, a leather jacket and my coat. I had to strip down mid way up hill. I came home, and she collapsed on the cool garage floor and slept. i don't want to leave her.

i gave a freeeee reading today. it feels SO good to do that :) i aim for 2 a month.

something i realized about relationships. That you have to work to make them work. that a relationship is not some eternal commitment that everything will remain the way it is. that it is made up of moments, and every day is a new beginning, a new moment, a new chance to be the partner you want to be. our relationships must constantly evolve, they must constantly be refreashed for them to survive in this jungle. it is so naive to make a commitment and expect it to be carried through eternally. that isn't how it works. every moment is a chance to turn it all around.


i love you all
m

i'm 20

i turned 20 on the 22nd of april. thank you for the birthday wishes. I do feel truly blessed and i try to greet each day an unyielding reverence for life and how big and all encompassing it is. It feels both strange and the same to be 20. i am infinitely motivated to make something of myself, to do something with the resources I am given. i want to make fire. this is what you look for in the dark.

a lot has been happening and not happening. Matthew has been here and it's amazing and also disconnecting. i don't know how to explain it. i explained it to him just now. he is sitting next to me. i think he understands. that's one thing i value deeply about him. he doesn't always need an explanation. he usually just knows. my life feels still. it's a fleeting feeling.

I met with the publisher of the yoga tree and she asked if could use a picture of ME as the cover of the next issue. i was completely taken a-back. I'm gonna be a cover girl <3 I submitted some possible cover suggestions, and all of them involved my photography that was littered with a theme of spirituality and wellness. I also didn't use any photographs that depicted a models face because after looking at previous covers it seemed that they valued anonymity and conceptualization above all. I sent one photograph of myself to placed specifically in the ad-space I bought for myself, and she told me she chose that one to make the cover. i don't know how it will feel to see my face on a magazine cover. we'll find out soon, i guess.

so, i'm 20 and people are telling me this is just the beginning. and in a way, it does feel like the beginning. it feels like the begining of something big and bright and beautiful. i am different in a lot of ways. there are so many things that make me different from who i was, but one thing that stands out to me today, from who i was, is that i am no longer afraid of taking new oppertunities and squeezing all the juice of them. i very rarely turn down an oppertunity to grow, to see, to learn, to love, to be afraid, to expand, to laugh, to live, to try, to fly.


this is just the beginning.

no, you won't

april and mommy

This is a painting that Matthew and I painted yesterday. It is not finished yet!

This is april and her mommy

ice cream cake

.
I will update more tomorrow. We have been having a wonderful time. Cuddles, cake, puppy-walking, cooking, movies. When I can write again, I'll tell you about it. I bought a new deck of tarot cards that I fell in love with. If you know me at all, you will know how rarely I find a deck I adore.

I never want to let you go.
I won't keep secrets.

an acceptance letter

So it turns out I was accepted into medical school in Ireland. The university of Galaway or something like that...Mixed feelings. I don't want to go, even though it means I will be closer to my friends from England. I still don't want to go. I like my life here, and everything here. I like the people here and my friends here and my home here and matthew here and school here and coffee here and life here. But at the same time, now that I have been accepted it's almost expected that I go. No one would force me but it is "highly recommeded". And I know that if I don't go there will always be that "Oh things would have been so much better if you had just gone to medical school in Ireland and gotten it done faster, noob" cloud looming over me. A cloud made up of my parents and more scarily, myself. I don't know. I'll do what feels right and I know it will be the best thing for me. I feel very supported by my guides, so I know I do not really have to worry.

matthew missed one of his flights. he's going to get here a little later than expected but i don't care. at least he is here :)

if we ever meet again

if we ever meet again,
i'll stop talking
you'll keep secrets
i'll never be the same

Matthew gets here tomorrow! I am really excited about it but there is so much to get ready before then. I am making him a nice big pitcher of lemonade because he loves lemonade. I leave in half an hour to get my legs waxed and my eyebrows threaded. We are taking April with us because she would tear our house apart. When we get home, Kiran should be home to babysit, and we will go get our grocery shopping done. I am sooooo happy with myself because I found my dream recipie. It's a cajun chicken pasta dish from the restaurant Chilis (Best place zevers z'omg.) So I am going to make it one of these days. Fingers crossed it turns out as spectacular as it does when matthew and I eat out there.

Mike, Colbie and Tuff are coming over to play with puppy and me :) 3 new reading bookings. Machoo coming tomorrow. 9 new clients this month already. workshops coming up. School starting in a month and I get to take more math yayyyyyy and organic chemistry next fall! Woo hoo. Life is looking up.




This is not the actual video but if you can watch the actual video, check out how amazingly BEAUTIFUL Katie Perry looks.

gasoline

After my radio show yesterday I spent some time with Rick and Mike. Rick and I attempted to play call of duty ( I mean, rick played, and I attempted), but I really am so awful at first person shooters. Mike had been wanting to see me after I spent time with Rick, but I wasn't planning on going as I was starting to feel nauseous again. Once I made up my mind to see Mike (they both live in the same building) I texted him and asked him if now was a good time (as I told him I would let him know later) and he texted back saying "Oh I'm busy now, sorry" to which my mind made a "pfft" noise. A couple of seconds later he texted me again and said "Haha joke, come soon!!!" so I though "Aha, two can play at that game, Michael" and put on my sneaky cap. I took the elevator to his floor and waited outside his room and said "Sorry Mike, can't make it after all. Maybe another time ;)" And then I knocked on the door and surprised him and he was so surprised and said it was a double trick and "touche". Usually, I am not very good at playing pranks. They always backfire in a bad way. Like the time when I put cling film on the toilet seat one april fools, and a 4 year told attempted to pee on it, got confused, played around in it, got it all over the bathroom, and I had to clear it up. I was proud of myself for the stleathy execution of this Michael prank though. Anyway, at Mike's we listened to the entire album of Daisy and he told me that I was daisy today because I was wearing a yellow shirt and a yellow flower in my hair. He looked at me at one point and said "You know, they wrote this song about you." and I said "Oh, really?" and he said "Well, who else could it have been about? I guess it could have been about someone that they know, but I really doubt it" and we both laughed. We got his pastels out and made art together. I drew the number 2, and a sunset, and an eye, and a bright red cage with naked women inside it. We ate grapes and drank ginger and pear tea. I don't really like tea. It's just hot bitter flavoured water.


It has been so long since I've been to starbucks, it scares me a little bit.

I've been working on my article for the yoga tree today. They will be using my photography as a future cover. I'm excited for that. The article I am writing is "6 things I've learned from being a psychic".

Now I am just ploughing through a list of things I need to get organized before school starts.

The malavika show:
I have so many amazing people who are very excited to be interviews on the Malavika show. The reason I have not started full speed with interviews yet is because I don't feel like the show has enough listeners for the interviews to be totally beneficial to the public. I am working at reforming this completely. How? Through some exceptional advertizing and powerful intention.

- Advertise in The yoga tree/ The art we are / Around school
- Set up interviews


Psychic Essentials Private workshop - May 28th
This is my first private workshop for a regular client. It is a smaller event held at her place with a minimum of 9 people.

- Create kick ass posters and send to client.
- Create workshop.

Psychic Essentials Kamloops workshop - June 12th
Intensive How-to-give-yourself-and-other-people-readings-workshop. Full day event at $120 per person.

- Distribute posters
- Advertise from week of April 18th+ via e-mail/facebook/phone/the yoga tree

Psychic Essentials Vancouver workshop - Date to be determined

- Advertise via e-mails/facebook/phone/conference in vancouver

The Yoga Tree

- Article '6 things I've learned from being a psychic'
- Cover photography
- Advertising my readings, The malavika show, and upcoming Kamloops workshop. 1/2 page spread.

Wellness Festival - June 4th-June 6th

- Offering mini readings (20 minutes) each day at a reduced rate than my standard!
- Givng a speach ($10 admission!!) and teaching a mini class.
- Offering a 30 minute reading with me to the raffle prizes at a standard value of $43!
- Come and say Hi. My table is gonna be real pretty <3
- Will advertise radioshow, readings, and upcoming Psychic Essentials Kamloops here!

Motivational Workshop Kamloops:

Thompson Rivers Unversity: FOR STUDENTS! (Cheaper) Fall 2010. Held through the universities Wellness Center.
Kamloops: Fall 2010. Offered to the rest of Kamloops.


Readings:

-Must book in 7 more readings. Current waiting time is around one week.

this wednesday, next wednesday matthew

Matthew will be here next wednesday. I've noticed that everytime we are about to see eachother, we both are so busy in the week or so prior. Not that I have been very busy recently, unless you call puking all day being busy. Matthew is going to be an engineer. I'm really happy about that because he is really happy about that. We call each other and talk about math problems, because that's what we do. He has a quick wit and a sharp mind. That's one thing I have loved about him from the start. He never stops making me laugh. And our communication is amazing. I think it's so easy to talk to him because he makes it so easy for me. He's always very supportive of me, and what I do, and what I think, and what I believe in. It really rocks my world (in a good way) to have someone believe in me the way he does.
I cannot wait to see what we will discover.

Tomorrow I need to make sure I finish my article for the next issue of the yoga tree. There is so much to do, and it is so much harder to do them now that I have April to babysit almost constantly. I love her but I am scared I am allergic to her beautiful self. I'm a bad mommy. We will have to see. If it persists I may have to give her away
I have my radioshow tomorrow and I am looking forward to it. Everyshow is exactly what I need to be talking about, exactly what I need to be doing, exactly what I need to hear.

i love you all more than you know

a brief history of the last 20 minutes

My new and first business cards :)
Most people who do what I do tend to call themselves "spiritual healers" or "intuitive readers" or "spiritual consultants", so I want to step away from the norm and call myself a straight up psychic. There's no need for elaboration. I am what I am.

I've always been a diary-junkie. Ever since I was 8, I've kept some form of journal. They were all boring, at times mildly amusing, but mostly a drag. Until I turned 14 and fell in love for the first time and then I turned 16 and experienced my first real heart break. - yeah, that's when things on Livejournal got really interesting. But now I've been converted to blogspot, and I think I prefer it. I like how you can customize each post to how you want it to be. And I like that uploading images is so easy. My journals always feel so incomplete without pictures. My hands are cold.

Mike just called me. He said he was biting his lips and thinking of me. He said it's hard not to talk to me and it's hard to talk to me.
James contacted me yesterday to see if we could be "friends". This has got to be the most polite bootycall ever. I guess, kudos to him for that. I have a colourful taste in men. And by colourful, I don't mean bad, by any means. Just colourful. Interesting.

I feel really awkward writing about this here. I'm not sure why. It's like I am crossing some imaginary boundary that has been placed around me. I feel like I shouldn't be talking about "things like that", but "things like that" happened and i happened. Because hey, things have gone wrong in my life, but I know that without a doubt, when they do, they always end up right. But there are definitely moments of "wrongness". I'm just not used to writing about them. Not anymore at least.

But, I'm too restless and nauseous to mull over that now.

m

this is what this is

Let me tell you what this is, so that our expectations, our universes, are parallel. we will never touch. this is a personal blog. this is a blog where I will talk about my dead days, my bleach days, my beach days. This is a blog where I will talk about my awkward feelings about my blossoming world. One day, (as soon as I have my website made) I will write a blog that maybe will help you in some beautiful way. I will write about my life doing what i love to do every day. But until that day comes, i will tell you my stories. my stories and photographs about real things, imaginary things, dream things.

So, let me start with my day. It was a nothing day, so I guess that means there is not much to write about. I have been all hot and sick the last few days. Re-scheduling readings hasn't been too awful, especially since my clients are so understanding. They are my friends. Though I rarely remember readings, for that moment, it's like I become their life. I see so much more than they can see, and it makes me realize how little we know about ourselves. Our vision is so temperamental, and closed. It's like we live in a box. And I can see outside your box, and I can tell you what you are creating. It's easy for me to see you and your box, and it's harder for me to see my own box. I do see sometimes though. When I let myself.

I am anxious to start yoga again. I feel trapped in my body when I am not stretching on a regular basis. I have decided to join at another studio though; it's closer, and cheaper.

April started barking today. It was so cute, her first bark. She startled herself, and had a "Omg, I can do that?!" expression on her cute little face. It kind of reminded me of us, and how we sometimes feel like we have to keep quiet. If we spoke up from time to time, maybe we would remind ourselves of how loud, how powerful, how ever-changing, we can be.

sweet dreams


m

islands

You are an island drifting sleepily in a continental drift. And I do not know what you will happen to you; i don't know if you will break apart and form many little islands, or if you will be swallowed by the sea. I know what wherever you decide to settle, your escape and your presence will need no explanation. I will feel your skin from mountaintops;a breath of salted fresh air. And when I come to you, I will come home again. I will become the light, the deep, the sinking floating feelings, again.

the strange and the beautiful

This is part of a new series I am working on called "the strange and the beautiful". It's meant to be strange and it's meant to be beautiful. It's meant to make you feel strange and it's meant to make you feel beautiful. And it's meant to be about the strange and it's meant to be about the beautiful. Those are the answers I have.